As if having your social media ambushed by rants and raves about the upcoming election wasn’t terrifying enough, insert the next worst thing: Sports.

I’m drawing a fucking line here. This shit has to stop. It just has to. You can’t keep clogging up all the internet tubes with ridiculous opinions about politicians AND about professional athletes. It’s fucking torture. One big sports game and the Twitter machine is basically fucking broken. Call the goddamn repairman because my eyes are bleeding skol and vikesvspacks hashtags. One or the fucking other here. We’re talking a life or death type of situation.

Look, we all know you have a staunch political stance. Good for fucking you. I’m glad you’ve decided to go one way or the other. Some people can’t even decide on a gender preference so fucking congratulations on thinking you know what’s best for the goddamn wellbeing of the country, you asshole. But this just in: NOBODY CARES. Not even a little. We’ve been through this shit before. Keep your goddamn politics off my social media. 

But wait, it gets worse. Take one political rant, add a dash of douchery, then gently stir in seven or eight tablespoons of sports, and presto! You’ve got one a-hole monster of a combination. Those constant ramblings on and on and on and on about professional athletes’ epic and/or failed performances and/or personal lives aren’t doing you any favors. Get over it already. What are you fucking perfect? Ever been late to work? Run over a squirrel? Forgotten to put your car in gear and had it roll down the street? Thought so. Your strong opinion about an overpaid ripped dingdong who couldn’t math their way out of a fucking paper sack is the last thing anyone wants to read about in their newsfeed. Its hate-ability factor is higher than even, gulp, baby pictures. And coming from me, that’s a lot.

And that shit’s like every goddamn day now. In the used to be days you could simply avoid Facebook on a Sunday night into Monday morning and bank pretty solidly that you’d be safe. Not anymore. Between the asinine anticipation leading up to an event combined with the fierce need of everyone to share their post-game recap knowledge like they’re goddamn Bob Costas himself, I can’t catch a fucking break. It’s literally everywhere, all the time, in your face garbage. Even Howard Cosell would be fucking appalled.

So guys, it can’t be both. Sports or politics. Politics or sports. You simply cannot have your cake and eat too, you fucking brat. You’ll end up friendless, in a dumpster, waiting for the next sports match or presidential election hoping to god you come out on fucking top with something clear to focus on.

I mean I think we can all agree on one thing: Less Trumps = More Better. See what I did there? I chose politics. Not sports. Do you really think I’m going to include anything in this post about sports?

No. Hard no.

What’s next, a link to housecleaning tips and baking recipes I found on Pinterest? Ish.