In honor of the 4th of July I thought we should take a quick look at one of my favorite topics: The Worst People In America.
You know who you are. But in case everyone needs a reminder, I’m happy to provide one. (Note: these are in no particular order of awfulness and I consider them all abominations.)
Continue reading “The Worst People In America”
I don’t trust people who chew gum. You shouldn’t either. And shockingly, I’m going to tell you why.
There are a myriad of reasons, really. As always listed in no particular order of importance, that would be way too much work for Laboratory staff.
Continue reading “Gum Chewers: You Can’t Trust Them”
Everyone is fucking lazy. Creatively speaking here. Form a fucking opinion? UGH, whyyyy? Can’t someone else do it for me? It’s the Science of Same: People like things that other people like.
Continue reading “Samsies!: The Science of Same”
You can learn a lot about not giving a fuck from old people.
They may be slower than you, they may need you to speak louder but do they really? Or are they just fucking around because they legitimately don’t want to listen to you talk about yourself. I mean think about it, do you want to hear a long synopsis of a movie you have no interest in seeing or listen to some young hipster tell you how great camping is and how hot beards are? Didn’t think so.
Continue reading “Old People Don’t Give a Fuck”
Potlucks. Blech. Pot-yucks is a much more apt name.
We’ve all been there. Standing around an oversized dining room table full of delicious, delicious homemade dishes. Queso. Casserole. Brownies. 7-layer bars. Cookies. Salsa. Hummus. Chips. A healthy vegan salad no one is eating. Heavily mayonnaised pasta salads. Pulled pork. Crock pots full of mystery. Dips. Cheetos. Green jello. Orange jello. Cheese and crackers. Deviled eggs. Chicken salad. The list goes on and on.
Many see this as a dream come true. But the reality behind pot-yucks is much much darker than ever imagined.
Continue reading “Potlucks: Bring On the Warm Mayo”
I’ve been doing some extensive research here at The Morning Laboratory recently (I sat at a bar for about 20 minutes and hammered down a drink) and have come to a very profound conclusion: All girls love skee ball.
And other dumb things.
Continue reading “All Girls Love Skee Ball”
Ever since cohabitating with someone recently (my husband, 8 years ago), I’ve noticed a trend in tasks around the house. Specifically who does what to keep that shit working smoothly. Hence: Boy Jobs, Girl Jobs.
Continue reading “Boy Jobs, Girl Jobs”
By now you’ve all heard of FOMO, right? Fear of missing out?
I mean it’s the dumbest thing in the whole world, FOMO, but you’ve heard of it right? Just asking because my first encounter with the phrase was last week, at which point I discovered two very important things:
Continue reading “FOOI: Fear Of Opting In”
As if having your social media ambushed by rants and raves about the upcoming election wasn’t terrifying enough, insert the next worst thing: Sports.
Continue reading “Politics or Sports, You Fucking Pick”
Let’s get right into it: no one likes going to the dentist. Everything about the experience fucking blows.
And it starts as far back as making the initial appointment. You call, probably because there’s either something wrong with one of your teeth or your guilt about not going to the dentist for years has reached epic proportions and is now, paired with your fucking toothache, keeping you up at night.
Continue reading “The Dentist Office: Where the Magazines Suck and the Wifi Is Garbage”
